Acceptance of Sexuality As Gay

 

A man’s sexual preference does not make him more or less a man. Just because heterosexuality is more ‘common’ does not make it ‘right’ while making homosexuality ‘wrong’.  

‘Tall’ is no more ‘right’ than being born a ‘short’ person.

Being ‘white skinned’ is no more ‘right’ than being born ‘dark skinned’.

That type of thinking was discarded a long-time ago because it is both discriminatory and untrue.

You can be proud to welcome acceptance of sexuality for gay men everywhere.

Click Here to listen to ‘homophobia’ Podcast.

Almost every homosexual has ‘straight’ parents. They are raised in a family, religion and culture that teaches them that heterosexual relationships are the norm. They may learn that anything outside the norm is unacceptable, a sin, unnatural, or even illegal. Media support this concept. Anyone who may be homosexual is rejected. There are no strong role models.

They may ‘play the straight game’ seeking acceptance. As a result, they feel conflicted. They may fall into depression, and even alcohol and substance abuse.

Fact: No one knows how many boys and men are homosexual or bisexual. Perhaps the majority feel it is better kept on a ‘needs to know basis‘, so only their close confidants and sexual partners know the truth.

Surveys generally put the number of exclusively homosexual men somewhere around 10 per cent of the male population. I have seen survey results of men who have engaged in male-to-male sexual contact way above the 50 per cent mark.

Sports and entertainment celebrities, business leaders and politicians are included together with ‘happily married men’ who are ‘card carrying’ members of this group.

As a therapist I have sometimes been surprised when a client has revealed the true cause of their depression and anxiety, even alcoholism, is the secret they have been hiding for so long.

The relief they feel to unburden themselves just by telling me would be even greater to just ‘come out’ to others. They would never have gone through the self-inflicted emotional torture.

Of course, it is a personal choice which path to take, but it needs to be weighed up. Measure the ‘pros and cons’, but always remember it is all about you, not them. You need to feel happy and confident within yourself.

Fact: Homosexuality is not a mental illness. Psychiatry and religion cannot convert gay men into ‘straight’ men. They tried many times and failed every time. A few men have ‘played the straight game’ but they have tortured themselves and ultimately failed. This has ultimately caused others heartache too. It is always better to accept your own sexuality and accept yourself.

My late wife’s nephew, a young gay slightly effeminate man, met a girl at the theater where he worked. She had two gay brothers. She felt an attraction to him, which may have been based on something familiar that made her feel comfortable. He was very attractive, tall, blonde and blue eyed. A nice friendly personality.

I might add, his mother did not approve of his homosexuality.

Eventually, he gave up his gay lifestyle to marry her. His mother was ecstatic. They had a child, and about two years later he left her and their child to return to his former gay lifestyle. He was obviously conflicted. His real self-won, and he stopped playing the straight game. His mother was disappointed.

While this scenario is not uncommon, some other gay men find a ‘middle path’ where they can live an outward ‘straight’ life and keep their gay lifestyle in the ‘closet’ (a secret).

I know a man now aged in his 70’s. He told me while he is gay, he married when young because his family did not approve of homosexuality. At the time he was in a very happy closeted homosexual relationship. Then he married because of pressure from his family.  He remained closeted and continues to ‘see’ other men to this day. He said, although he loves his wife, he is disappointment he made the wrong decision to marry all those years ago.

Increasingly, in many countries, young men who are same sex attracted feel no need to hide who they really are.

Fact: While there is no single “gay gene,” there is overwhelming evidence of a biological basis for sexual orientation that is programmed into the brain before birth based on a mix of genetics and prenatal conditions, none of which the fetus chooses, according to ‘Stop calling it a choice: Biological factors drive homosexuality’

Two strong indicators exist. Either could apply in your circumstance.

1. Homosexuality appears to follow down the maternal side of your family. If you are gay, chances are more likely than not your mother has more than average gay brothers and cousins and uncles. Your sisters have gay sons. Or,
2.  Unrelated to close ‘gay’ relatives on the maternal side, you have a number of ‘straight’ older brothers.

These are genetic and prenatal conditions way beyond your control. 

Fact; While many ‘out-of-touch’ heterosexuals think homosexuality is a choice, they are confused with their own adolescent ‘same-sex attractions’, which are part of every man’s sexual maturity. Heterosexuals are no ‘gayer’ than homosexuals are ‘straight’.

Some men happily ‘swing both ways’. They are happy with a sexual partner of either sex, although they usually have a preference. They are called bisexual.

Accept yourself and find true happiness whatever your sexual attraction. Just remember you cannot make everyone happy all the time – so accept yourself for who you are.

It all becomes so much more confusing when we consider that romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. You can be romantically attracted to a man and sexually attracted to a woman. or the other way around. For that matter you can be romantically attracted to one man and sexually attracted to another. I am going to leave you with that conundrum to sort out for yourself.

Fact: Homosexuality is still illegal in some countries. See the map below. Gay men can be sacked by their employers in some countries, for example Singapore. It is punishable by death in a few. For example, Uganda. Where I grew up in Australia homosexuality was still illegal when I was aged in my 20’s. Now we have legal same-sex marriage. The tide is turning around the world.

The map below shows (in brown, orange and yellow) the remaining ‘anti-gay’ countries.

The dark blue colour on the map shows countries where same sex marriage is now legal. Some Asian countries, such as Taiwan and Thailand now have same-sex marriage. Others such as Vietnam, the Philippines and some Pacific nations will follow in time.

New Zealand is a socially progressive country and should be marked dark blue on this map.

I think Central and South America will eventually infill in blue too.

Worldwide laws regarding same-sex intercourse, unions, and expression.

  Death Prison Marriage Civil unions  Limited domestic  

Limited foreign Restrictions of expression.

Fact: Gay men usually make wonderful uncles, and sometimes choose to be parents themselves. While ‘straight’ men may have accidental children, the child of a gay father was no accident. Your happiness inspires unconditional love in them.

Fact: Some ‘straight men’ want oral and perhaps anal sex with another man, not because they are gay and attracted to another man or men. They just enjoy the sex. For them gay men are better at oral sex than women, and gay men enjoy giving and receiving anal sex more than women. It’s more about the sex, not the individual. These men have a desire for giving and receiving erotic pleasure with another man, often governed by individual boundaries. These boundaries could be “You can suck me, but I won’t suck you’, ‘[ don’t kiss other guys’, “Mutual masturbation is fine with me’, ‘Yeah, I like to 69 with a guy’, “I am strictly a ‘top’ or ‘I need to be fucked hard in the ass by a real man sometimes’. Are they ‘gay’ or ‘bisexual’? They certainly don’t think they are, however, they may be bisexual or perhaps ‘closet gay’?

While there is white, brilliant white, and black, pitch black, there are many shades of grey. Perhaps as many as 50.

Fact; Homophobes make-up excuses to disguise their own prejudices and fears. One unfounded claim is that gay men are more inclined to drug and alcohol problems than straight men. While this may be true for some individuals caused by the bigots and prejudices from homophobes they live with every day, it is not generally true at all. Your unconditional love defeats fear and anxiety.

Fact: Another claim by bigots and chauvinists is that the human immunodeficiency viruses (HIV) and the acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) were sent by God to punish homosexuals. This unfounded claim ignores the science. The retrovirus that causes HIV passes from one person to another through body fluids. It can and does pass between genders (male and female) through any exchange of body fluids from an infected person to an uninfected person.

Yes, HIV/AIDS infection is common among gay men, as it is among intravenous drug users of any gender too. That is because they are inclined to share body fluids through their activities.  However, there are roughly 24 million people of both genders infected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. More than 90 percent of the world’s HIV-positive children live in Africa. Gender and sexuality have nothing to do with it.

People have been infecting each other with sexually transmitted infections for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years. Sexual preference never came into it, and nor did God’s will. So why drag homosexuals into the fray now?

Doctors at the Sexual Infections Clinic have told me that Local infections of HIV have virtually disappeared because of the widespread use of PREP medications by sexually active homosexual and bisexual men. The majority of infections are a result of unprotected sex while travelling overseas, particularly in Southeast Asia. They advise the use of PREP plus condoms for protection.

‘They doth protest too much, methinks” 

Fact or Fiction? Gay bashing and gay bullying is an attack, abuse, or assault committed against a person who is perceived by the aggressor to be LBGTIQ. The aggressor is more often than not a homophobic closet gay themselves? Are they are trying to deflect attention away from themselves and their secret?  Are they suffering inner conflict and incongruence? We ask the question: Why are they out after dark looking for gay men when they could be looking for straight women? Perhaps they need counselling themselves?

Do you want some research to help you decide? Science magazine reported there is a “scattering of research” that suggests “some conflicted gay men might indeed be homophobic,” like a small 1996 study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology that measured penile arousal and found a link between “homophobia” and “homosexual arousal.”

I remember meeting two house mates of a friend of mine many years ago. They proudly boasted about their ‘gay bashing’ exploits as if it somehow made them more ‘macho’. In the next breath, they talked about their intention to share a prostitute and how they wanted to experience double penetration together. They seemed conflicted to me. As they were talking, I felt as if they were boyfriends.

Rather than being heard to “protest too much” and drawing attention to contradictions about their own sexuality, perhaps these people should be listening to their ‘Welcome Acceptance of Sexuality for Gay Men’ MP3?

Fact: Then there is the religious argument. Some people claim their interpretation of Leviticus 18:22 in the Old Testament of the Bible states that homosexuality is wrong. (this passage encompasses Muslim, Christian and Jewish religions) Others point out it is a reference to prostitution, specifically male prostitution. This is supported by 1 Kings 15:12. “He expelled the male shrine prostitutes from the land and got rid of all the idols his ancestors had made.”

Leviticus was recorded at the time of Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt. The instructions of Leviticus emphasize ritual, legal and moral practices including animal scarifies to God. I question people who like to quote this passage suggesting homosexuality is wrong – ‘do you also do animal scarifies to God?’ If they do, then they can claim the ‘high ground’. If they do not, they are hypocrites.

Fact: Temple prostitutes, both male and female were a part of Egyptian religion. Moses was trying to divorce his people from those practices.

There will always be bigots who will mis interpret the Bible to support their own prejudices. But that is no excuse for them trying to enforce their position on other people in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Jesus taught ‘love’. He had nothing to say about homosexuals anywhere in the New Testament of the Bible. In my view Christians should be led by the teachings of Jesus Christ (who said ‘I am the way’ while the instructions of Leviticus were now irrelevant. Mathew 12:1 to 12:8).

The teachings of ancient religious practices (such as animal sacrifices) have been dumped by Christians. So why hang on to references to Egyptian temple prostitutes?  They are irrelevant to Christians today. In my view some Christians focus too much on the Old Testament and the books written by Paul, while they seem to ignore the teachings of Jesus Christ. who taught unconditional love Are they really Christians at all?

Bible bigots like to quote Paul. But the truth is Paul was not one of Jesus 12 disciples. He never knew Jesus in his lifetime. He was in fact a Roman citizen, a tax collector. Paul has a lot to say in the New Testament of the Bible. He wrote 13 of the books, a significant proportion. But one thing is certain for theologians who have studied Paul. He was disliked by many. He was apparently a small, ugly man who had a ‘chip on his shoulder‘. He seems to have hated women, and gays, and others. He was not speaking for Jesus. He was speaking for himself. People who quote Paul in their anti-gay rants are really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Christians should be following the teachings of Jesus Christ, rather some bigoted interloper who had never met the living Jesus.

Fact: The Bible outlaws many different things we do today. Here are just a few,

1. According to Leviticus 19:19, people were forbidden to wear clothing made of two or more different materials. Wool and cotton are not permitted together.
2. Eating pork, rabbit, or fish without fins and scales (e.g., clams, oysters, shrimp, crabs etc). Leviticus 11:7-12.
3. Eating any creatures that creep or have been strangled cannot be eaten. “You shall not eat any detestable thing”. Deuteronomy 14:3  
4. No honey, with certain exceptions. Leviticus 2:11.
5. Rare steak is banned. Leviticus 17:10-14.
6. Drinking wine is fine, but only in moderation. Jesus first recorded miracle was turning water into wine. He apparently liked a glass of Chardonay. Proverbs 23:20-21.
7. Shaving the face. (but the head must be shaven under certain circumstances) Leviticus 19:27.
8. Tattoos or body piercings.  Leviticus 19:28.
9. Women must cover their heads. 1 Corinthians 11;6.
10. No jewelry. No hairstyling. Men must not cut or shave the hair on the sides of their head. Timothy 2:9.
11. Women speaking in the church, but ‘speaking in tongues’ is fine. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
12. Banning mothers from the church. Leviticus 12:2, 
13. Women cannot wear men’s clothing and men cannot wear women’s clothing. Jeans and pants suits are out for women, and Scottish Kilts are not on for men. Deuteronomy 22:5.
14. Divorce. Mark 10:9-12.
15. No Tarot readings. No fortune tellers. But ‘religious prophets’ are fine. Leviticus 19:31.
16. A priest cannot have a ‘blemish in the eye’ or ‘be lame’ or have a flat nose. So those with authority in the church cannot wear glasses or have difficulty walking, according to Leviticus 21.

and the list goes on and on. If some people want to use the Bible verses to attack gays, perhaps they should look at their own practices first. Jesus warned against hypocritical, self-righteous people in Matthew 7:1-5.

Fact: Humans share homosexuality and bisexuality with animals. 

“No animal species has been found in which homosexual behavior has not been shown to exist, with the exception of species that never have sex at all, such as sea urchins and aphids”  –Petter Bøckman

Homosexual behavior has been observed by researchers in more than 1,500 animal species.

Fact: Since prehistory, gay men have proven themselves as talented creators and innovators in almost every human endeavor. You are in good company and can be proud as a gay man.

How you choose to live your life as a gay man is your choice. Some choose to be ‘out’ and perhaps flamboyant, while at the other end of the spectrum some choose to be ‘closeted’ and keep their bed-room preferences on a ‘need to know’ basis. Your choice should always be based on what makes you most comfortable and happy.

I have conducted an informal ‘straw ballot’ of gay men online and asked them all the same simple question. “If you could take a pill that would make you straight, would you take it?” I think I have had only one who said ‘yes’, and since then he has changed his mind and said ‘no‘.

I then asked them ‘Why?” and the typical answer was “I feel happy in myself.” and a few added. “Plus, I love cock.”

Homophobes want homosexuality to be invisible. That way they somehow feel ‘safer’. They feel that way because of their own upbringing and culture.

Change is constant, and our cultures adapt to those changes. To quote the Borg ‘Resistance is futile.’ Change is constantly happening, and if that change is in the face, it cannot be ignored.

Many people who come out as gay and lesbian are accepted by their loved ones, but not all are. So be prepared. Talk to other gays about their experiences. Prepare your responses to the most likely questions and comments from your family and friends. Perhaps contact organisations such as PFLAG for support. PFLAG are the parents, guardians, family and friends of LGBTIQ+.

If you are unsure how someone who is important in your life will react to you telling them you are gay, try ‘testing the waters’ by asking them what they think about other gay men.

You can:

• Ask them if they personally know any gay men?
• Ask their opinions about famous and celebrity gay men?
• Ask them what they think about same-sex marriage and gay couples who have children.

Through these discussions you will be able to determine if they are generally positive or negative about gay men. Do not expect them to be gushing with positivity about everything and everyone. Ultimately you want to determine how they might react and if they will support you.

It is true that some people have difficulty accepting other people who are different from them in some way. That is their prejudice. That is their problem to deal with and perhaps overcome.

Their prejudice is not the responsibility or problem of the person, persons or community they feel prejudiced against – it is their problem. Being faced, close up, with their prejudice is also an opportunity for them to learn and grow.

Your Welcome Acceptance of Sexuality for Gay Men subliminal affirmation MP3’s can assist you to overcome low self-esteem and confidence while building a strong belief in who you are.

I had a young gay man come to me to quit tobacco smoking. He was somewhat masculine, a truck driver who appeared ‘straight’. He told me that he was very happy in his sexuality and added that his single ‘straight’ co-workers and friends were lucky if they could ‘score’ sex once or twice a year, while he had sex with a new partner every weekend, and more often anytime he wanted. “I can go online and ‘hook up’ with another hot guy within minutes,” he told me. “My mates have to pay for it,” he laughed.

“For me being gay is the best.”