Acceptance of Sexuality As Gay

 

A man’s sexual preference does not make him more or less a man. Just because heterosexuality is more ‘common’ does not make it ‘right’ while making homosexuality ‘wrong’.  

‘Tall’ is no more ‘right’ than being ‘short’.

Being ‘light skinned’ is no more ‘right’ than being ‘dark skinned’.

Being ‘European’ is no more right than being ‘Asian’.

That type of thinking was discarded a long-time ago because it is both discriminatory and untrue.

People who still think that way are stuck in the first half of the 20th century or even earlier. That type of thinking does not belong here in this day and age.

Click Here to listen to ‘homophobia’ Podcast.

Almost every homosexual has ‘straight’ parents. They are raised in a ‘straight’ family, religion and culture that teaches them that heterosexual relationships are ‘normal’.

Media is most often biased toward the concept that heterosexuality is ‘normal’. Media portray relationships as male and female. If there is a homosexual relationship depicted it is usually ridiculed.

They may learn that anything outside the ‘norm’ is unacceptable, a sin, unnatural, or even illegal.

No wonder they grow up feeling as if they are the round peg in a square hole.

Too often young gay boys and men feel isolated and alone. They fear being ‘found out’ and tormented, even rejected by family and friends.

Some feel so overwhelmed and trapped they commit suicide before they learn that it is not them that is at fault.

Young gay men may ‘play the straight game’ seeking acceptance. A gay friend told me how as his straight friends and brothers talked about girls; he was feeling same sex attraction instead. So, he ‘played the straight game’ to hide his true feelings and had sex with a few girls.  “Is this what they are talking about?” he thought.  “It does nothing for me. If this is what my brothers and my friends are talking about then I want out. I want cock not pussy”.

There are many factors that influence both sexual and romantic attraction to either gender. These include genetic, cultural, media, religious, experiential and peer pressure. 

He tried to appear straight on the outside, while keeping his real desires inside, but his friends and brothers realised he was gay. By the time he ‘came out’ everyone already knew.

He realised he had been worrying about nothing. They loved him and did not care about who he was attracted to, or not.

Okay, his father tried to straighten him up, but eventually accepted it was not a passing phase. 

Fact: No one knows how many boys and men are homosexual or bisexual. Perhaps the majority feel it is better kept on a ‘needs to know basis‘, so only their close confidants and sexual partners know the real truth.

Then there are the guys who only have same sex on an impulse when the opportunity and desire cross paths.

Surveys generally put the number of exclusively homosexual men somewhere around 10 per cent of the male population. Those are men who self-identify as gay. They only ever have sex with same sex. I have a few friends who you would think are straight8, but they have never and cannot imagine having sex with someone of the opposite sex. It is beyond their comprehension. They say it would never happen.

But what about the other 90 per cent of boys and men? We tend to assume they are exclusively straight and only attracted to girls and women.

The picture becomes more confusing when we add the complexity of bisexuality, the guys who are attracted to both other guys and girls somewhere around the same proportion (50/50). It includes romantic or sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender.

A subset of bisexuality is “hetroflexibility”. People define themselves as “mostly straight” with a little same sex attraction.  Sometimes called “bi-curious”.

“Homoflexible” people primarily identify as homosexual but are sometimes attracted to the opposite gender.

The term “attracted” does not necessarily mean that they physically act on their attraction. They may and yet they may not.

The Common Bell Curve of Male Sexual Desire and Attraction.

Male sexuality and desire apparently follows the pattern of the ‘common bell curve’. We can argue about the proportions or percentages, however the green ‘C’ area represents bisexuality. Boys and men who find themselves sexually attracted to both genders, more or less the same. They could swing either way depending on who, where and when.  ‘B’ blue boys and men are mainly same sex attracted. They usually prefer other males but may swing over to the opposite gender sometimes. ‘A’ purple are exclusively same sex homosexual. They are the 10 per cent the surveys quote. Yellow ‘D’ usually only find themselves attracted to the opposite gender but if the stars align, they will jump the fence, or at least think about it. Those in the red ‘F’ section would never never find other boys and men sexually attractive. They are actually exclusively straight8. My guess is they represent somewhere around 10 to maybe 20 per cent of the male population.

Note; This graph represents inner desires and attraction. It does not represent actual physical sexual activity, which may be influenced by legal, cultural, family, media, and religious circumstances for an individual or grouping.

So how many boys and men are attracted to other boys and men at least sometimes? Your guess is as good as mine, but I have seen surveys where as many as 80 per cent of respondents admitted they have been sexually excited to the point of orgasm by their own gender. Perhaps that includes masturbation fantasy? I really don’t know. But it fits the common bell curve of male sexual desire and attraction.

I knew a guy who had several girlfriends in the time I had known him. Yet, a couple of times I had noticed him looking at guys in a certain ‘lustful’ way. So, I asked him about it.   “Yeah. He is hot. I would ‘do him’ in a flash if I could.” So, I loaned him a book about bisexuality. He read it and handed it back to me saying “Yup. I am bisexual. I think about it, but I don’t actually do it, yet. It is not a case of ‘if’ but ‘when’.”  He had left the door open to the possibility.  More recently I heard he is now living with another guy. Perhaps he found his ‘when’ and ‘who’ moment?

Sports and entertainment celebrities, business leaders and politicians, everyone, are included together with ‘happily married men’ are members of this diverse group.

We are sexual beings. We do not control who we are attracted to sexually. It is part of who we really are. We can try to tame the beast, yet it is a wild animal.

Fact: Homosexuality is not a mental illness. Psychiatry and religion cannot convert gay men into ‘straight’ men. They have tried many times, usually using ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ as a weapon, and failed every time. A few men have ‘played the straight game’ but they have tortured themselves and ultimately failed. Some have been driven through depression to self-harm and even suicide. This has ultimately caused others heartache too. It is always better to accept your own sexuality and accept yourself.

More than 20 years ago I had a client, a young man, who self-harmed by cutting himself.  He never revealed the issue that was driving his behavior.  Later I found out his closest friend was gay. Connect the dots.

My late wife’s nephew, a young gay slightly effeminate man, met a girl at the theater where he worked. She had two gay brothers. She felt an attraction to him, which may have been based on something familiar that made her feel comfortable. He was very attractive, tall, blonde and blue eyed. A nice friendly personality.

I might add, his mother did not approve of his homosexuality.

Eventually, he gave up his gay lifestyle to marry her. His mother was ecstatic. They had a daughter, and about two years later he left her and their child to return to his former gay lifestyle. He was obviously conflicted. He had tried to make his mother happy, but he was not. His real self-won, and he stopped playing the straight game. His mother then blamed his father, claiming he had ‘made their son gay’.  The truth is their son was more likely to be gay because of her genetics (He was an only son with two sisters. I don’t know for sure, but I would not be surprised if his sisters had gay sons too)

While this scenario is not uncommon, some other gay men find a ‘middle path’ where they can live an outward ‘straight’ life and keep their gay lifestyle in the ‘closet’ (a secret).

I know a man now aged in his 70’s. He told me while he is gay, he married when young because his family did not approve of homosexuality. At the time he was in a very happy closeted homosexual relationship. Then he married because of pressure from his family.  He remained closeted and continues to ‘see’ other men to this day. He said, although he loves his wife, he is disappointed he made the wrong decision to marry all those years ago.

I know another man who is gay. He is slightly effeminate. I have witnessed him trying to seduce other men after a few drinks. He is married to a motor bike riding lesbian. They are romantically attracted but sexual desire is not part of their relationship.  She ‘goes out’ with other lesbians.

Increasingly, in many countries, young men who are same sex attracted feel no need to hide who they really are.

Fact: While there is no single “gay gene,” there is overwhelming evidence of a biological basis for sexual orientation that is programmed into the brain before birth based on a mix of genetics and prenatal conditions, none of which the fetus chooses, according to ‘Stop calling it a choice: Biological factors drive homosexuality’

Two strong indicators exist. Either could apply in your circumstance.

1. Homosexuality appears to follow down the maternal side of your family. If you are gay, chances are more likely than not your mother has more than average gay brothers and maternal cousins and uncles. Your sisters have gay sons. Or,
2.  Unrelated to close ‘gay’ relatives on the maternal side, you have a number of ‘straight’ older brothers.

These are genetic and prenatal conditions way beyond your control. 

Fact; While many ‘out-of-touch’ heterosexuals think homosexuality is a choice, they are confused with their own adolescent ‘same-sex attractions’, which are part of every man’s sexual maturity. Heterosexuals are no ‘gayer’ than homosexuals are ‘straight’.

Some men happily ‘swing both ways’. They are happy with a sexual partner of either sex, although they usually have a preference. Although that preference often changes. We generally call them ‘bisexual’. They call themselves lucky.

Accept yourself and find true happiness whatever your sexual attraction. Just remember you cannot make everyone happy all the time – so accept yourself for who you are in the moment and be happy with your choices.

It can all become so much more confusing when we consider that romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. You can be romantically attracted to a man and sexually attracted to a woman. or the other way around. For that matter you can be romantically attracted to one man and sexually attracted to another. I am going to leave you with that conundrum to sort out for yourself.

Fact: Homosexuality is still illegal in some countries. See the map below. Gay men can be sacked by their employers in some countries, for example Singapore. It is punishable by death in a few. For example, Uganda. Where I grew up in Australia homosexuality was still illegal when I was aged in my 20’s. Now we have legal same-sex marriage. The tide is turning around the world.

The map below shows (in brown, orange and yellow) the remaining ‘anti-gay’ countries.

The dark blue colour on the map shows countries where same sex marriage is now legal. Some Asian countries, such as Taiwan and Thailand now have same-sex marriage. Others such as Vietnam, the Philippines and some Pacific nations will follow in time.

New Zealand is a socially progressive country and should be marked dark blue on this map.

I think Central and South America will eventually infill in blue too.

Worldwide laws regarding same-sex intercourse, unions, and expression.

  Death Prison Marriage Civil unions  Limited domestic  

Limited foreign Restrictions of expression.

Vietnam is a Catholic/Buddhist country. Following the war many Vietnamese escaped the communists and fled to other parts of the world. They took their language, culture, food and traditions with them, of course.

I learned that in Melbourne Australia, Vietnamese fathers often take their 13-year-old sons to a prostitute to lose their virginity to an ‘older woman’ (she might only be 5 years his senior, but she has experience to share).

I have it on authority from former prisoners that in prison the Vietnamese crime boss (who usually owns the prostitutes on the outside) will select an attractive young Vietnamese man to sleep with every night. It is apparently considered an honor to be chosen by the boss. Next his deputy will select a sleeping partner and so on down the ranks. 

I am told teenage Vietnamese visit the boss in prison and swear their allegiances to him. They do his bidding on the outside, and if they are jailed, they gladly become one of his ‘prison bitches’ on the inside. Everyone is gay for the stay, and that can be for many years.

Fact: Gay men usually make wonderful uncles, and sometimes choose to be parents themselves. While ‘straight’ men may have accidental children, the child of a gay father was no accident. Your happiness inspires unconditional love in them.

“LGBTQ folks served and serve in the military. We are cops, we are firefighters, we are your family members and neighbors,” Democratic Colorado State Representative, David Ortiz wrote on X in response to Valdamar Archuleta, the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans, who called for the burning of the rainbow flag. “We will outlast your bigotry and hate.”

Fact: Some ‘straight men’ want oral and perhaps anal sex with another man, not because they are gay and attracted to another man or men. They just enjoy the sex. For them gay men are better at oral sex than women, and gay men enjoy giving and receiving anal sex more than women. It’s more about the sex, not the individual. These men have a desire for giving and receiving erotic pleasure with another man, often governed by individual boundaries. These boundaries could be “You can suck me, but I won’t suck you’, ‘I don’t kiss other guys, but everything else is fine’, “Mutual masturbation is fine with me, but no more than that’, ‘Yeah, I like to 69 with a guy’, “I am strictly a ‘top'” or “I need to be fucked hard in the ass by a real man sometimes”. Are they ‘gay’ or ‘bisexual’? They may be bisexual or perhaps ‘closet gay’? Does it really matter?

For a while I worked with a guy who said “My thing is oral sex. Thats what I do and that’s what I want. Pussy or cock.”

While there is white, brilliant white, and black, pitch black, there are many shades of grey. Perhaps as many as 50.

Fact; Homophobes make-up excuses to disguise their own prejudices and fears. One unfounded claim is that gay men are more inclined to drug and alcohol problems than straight men. While this may be true for some individuals caused by the bigots and prejudices from homophobes they live with every day, it is not generally true at all. Your unconditional love defeats fear and anxiety.

Fact: Another claim by bigots and chauvinists is that the human immunodeficiency viruses (HIV) and the acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) were sent by God to punish homosexuals. This unfounded claim ignores the science. The retrovirus that causes HIV passes from one person to another through body fluids. It can and does pass between genders (male and female) through any exchange of body fluids from an infected person to an uninfected person.

Yes, HIV/AIDS infection is common among gay men, as it is among intravenous drug users who share needles of any gender too. That is because they are inclined to share body fluids through their activities.  However, there are roughly 24 million people of both genders infected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. More than 90 percent of the world’s HIV-positive children live in Africa. Gender and sexuality have nothing to do with it.

People have been infecting each other with sexually transmitted infections for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years. Sexual preference never came into it, and nor did God’s will.

So why drag homosexuals into the fray now? It is thinly disguised homophobia and anti-gay bias, that’s all.

Doctors at the Sexual Infections Clinic have told me that Local infections of HIV have virtually disappeared because of the widespread use of PREP medications by sexually active homosexual and bisexual men. The majority of infections are a result of unprotected sex while travelling overseas, particularly in Southeast Asia. They advise the use of PREP plus condoms for protection.

‘They doth protest too much, methinks” 

Fact or Fiction? Gay bashing and gay bullying is an attack, abuse, or assault committed against a person who is perceived by the aggressor to be LBGTIQ. The aggressor is more often than not a homophobic closet gay themselves. Are they trying to deflect attention away from themselves and their secret?  Are they suffering inner conflict and incongruence? We ask the question: Why are they out after dark looking for gay men when they could be looking for straight women? Perhaps they need counselling themselves?

Do you want some research to help you decide? Science magazine reported there is a “scattering of research” that suggests “some conflicted gay men might indeed be homophobic,” like a small 1996 study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology that measured penile arousal and found a link between “homophobia” and “homosexual arousal.”

I remember meeting two house mates of a friend of mine many years ago. They proudly boasted about their ‘gay bashing’ exploits as if it somehow made them more ‘macho’. In the next breath, they talked about their intention to share a prostitute and how they wanted to experience double penetration together. They seemed conflicted to me. As they were talking, I felt as if they were boyfriends.

Rather than being heard to “protest too much” and drawing attention to contradictions about their own sexuality, perhaps these people should be listening to their ‘Welcome Acceptance of Sexuality for Gay Men’ MP3?

Fact: Then there is the religious argument. Some people claim their interpretation of Leviticus 18:22 in the Old Testament of the Bible states that homosexuality is wrong. (this passage encompasses Muslim, Christian and Jewish religions) Others point out it is a reference to prostitution, specifically male prostitution. This is supported by 1 Kings 15:12. “He expelled the male shrine prostitutes from the land and got rid of all the idols his ancestors had made.”

Leviticus was recorded at the time of Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt. The instructions of Leviticus emphasize ritual, legal and moral practices including animal scarifies to God. I question people who like to quote this passage suggesting homosexuality is wrong – ‘do you also do animal scarifies to God?’ If they do, then they can claim the ‘high ground’. If they do not, they are hypocrites.

Fact: Temple prostitutes, both male and female were a part of Egyptian religion. Moses was trying to divorce his people from those practices.

There will always be bigots who will mis interpret the Bible to support their own prejudices. But that is no excuse for them trying to enforce their position on other people in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Jesus taught ‘love’. He had nothing to say about homosexuals anywhere in the New Testament of the Bible. In my view Christians should be led by the teachings of Jesus Christ (who said ‘I am the way’ while the instructions of Leviticus were now irrelevant. Mathew 12:1 to 12:8).

The teachings of ancient religious practices (such as animal sacrifices) have been dumped by Christians. So why hang on to references to Egyptian temple prostitutes?  They are irrelevant to Christians today. In my view some Christians focus too much on the Old Testament and the books written by Paul, while they seem to ignore the teachings of Jesus Christ. who taught unconditional love Are they really Christians at all?

Bible bigots like to quote Paul. But the truth is Paul was not one of the 12 disciples. He never knew Jesus in his lifetime, although he conveniently claimed to have met Jesus after his crucifixion and death. He was in fact a Roman citizen, a tax collector. Paul has a lot to say in the New Testament of the Bible. He wrote 13 of the books, a significant proportion. But one thing is certain for theologians who have studied Paul. He was disliked by many. He was apparently a small, ugly man who had a ‘chip on his shoulder‘. He seems to have been a bigoted misogynist who hated women, and gays, and others. He was certainly not speaking for Jesus who preached unconditional love. He was speaking for himself. People who quote Paul in their anti-gay rants are really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Thye perpetuate Paul’s bigoted misogyny. I truly believe real Christians should be following the teachings of Jesus Christ, rather some interloper who had never met the living Jesus.

Fact: The Bible outlaws many different things we do today. Here are just a few,

1. According to Leviticus 19:19, people were forbidden to wear clothing made of two or more different materials. Wool and cotton are not permitted together.
2. Eating pork, rabbit, or fish without fins and scales (e.g., clams, oysters, shrimp, crabs etc) are forbidden. Leviticus 11:7-12.
3. Eating any creatures that creep or have been strangled cannot be eaten. “You shall not eat any detestable thing”. Deuteronomy 14:3  
4. No honey, with certain exceptions. Leviticus 2:11.
5. Rare steak is banned. Leviticus 17:10-14.
6. Drinking wine is fine, but only in moderation. Jesus first recorded miracle was turning water into wine. He apparently liked a glass of Chardonay. Proverbs 23:20-21. He drank wine ritualistically with his disciples. 
7. Shaving the face is forbidden. (but the head must be shaven under certain circumstances) Leviticus 19:27.
8. Tattoos or body piercings are forbidden.  Leviticus 19:28.
9. Women must cover their heads. 1 Corinthians 11;6.
10. No jewelry. No hairstyling. Men must not cut or shave the hair on the sides of their head.  hair that grows forward of the ears must not be cut. Timothy 2:9.
11. Women speaking in the church is forbidden, but ‘speaking in tongues’ is fine. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
12. Banning mothers from the church. Leviticus 12:2, 
13. Women cannot wear men’s clothing and men cannot wear women’s clothing. Jeans and pant suits are out for women, and Scottish kilts are not on for men. Deuteronomy 22:5.
14. Divorce is banned. Mark 10:9-12.
15. No Tarot readings. No fortune tellers. But ‘religious prophets’ are fine. Leviticus 19:31.
16. A priest cannot have a ‘blemish in the eye’ or ‘be lame’ or have a flat nose. So those with authority in the church cannot wear glasses or have difficulty walking, according to Leviticus 21. The current Pope is out according to Leviticus.

and the list goes on and on. If some people want to use the Bible verses to attack gays, perhaps they should look at their own practices first. Jesus warned against hypocritical, self-righteous people in Matthew 7:1-5.

A quick look into Islamic male practices around same sex is very confusing for someone looking in from the outside.

Muslim men, and for that matter Hindu men grow facial hair as soon as they are able. They say, “its purpose is to differentiate between the male and the female”. Exactly how they become confused between men and women I don’t know.

At the same time unwed men have no opportunity to have sex with a woman because for religious reasons premarital sex, or even the suggestion of it is banned. So, they seek out other opportunities. Rape of women is an all-too-common problem by some Hindu men in India.

In some Muslim countries Arab men sometimes rape Asian men who live and work in their country because they have no facial hair. If the Asian man were to report the attack in those Arab countries he would be punished and deported, so it usually goes unreported to police.

In East Malaysia several young Muslim men told me that in their culture and religion young men have sex with each other until they marry. Then, of course they have sex with their wife. They told me, ‘We all do it, so did our fathers and uncles before they married’. 

The contradiction is that The Koran states men who have sex with other men should be punished, although no punishment is specified. The exact passage in the Qu’ran states “men who are guilty of lewdness …. if they repent then let them be. Lo! Allah is Merciful.”

From that I interpret Allah is not too bothered about same sex between Muslim men. However, unwed hetrosex is not on, no way. In some Muslim countries at least, culture and tradition outweigh religion.

Fact: Humans share homosexuality and bisexuality with animals. 

“No animal species has been found in which homosexual behavior has not been shown to exist, with the exception of species that never have sex at all, such as sea urchins and aphids”  –Petter Bøckman

Homosexual behavior has been observed by researchers in more than 1,500 animal species.

Fact: Since prehistory, gay men have proven themselves as talented creators and innovators in almost every human endeavor. You are in good company and can be proud as a gay man.

How you choose to live your life as a gay man is your choice. Some choose to be ‘out’ and perhaps flamboyant, while at the other end of the spectrum some choose to be ‘closeted’ and keep their bed-room preferences on a ‘need to know’ basis. Your choice should always be based on what makes you most comfortable and happy.

I have conducted an informal ‘straw ballot’ of gay men online and asked them all the same simple question. “If you could take a pill that would make you straight, would you take it?” I think I have had only one who said ‘yes’, and since then he has changed his mind and said ‘no‘.

I then asked them ‘Why?” and the typical answer was “I feel happy in myself.” and a few added. “Plus, I love cock.”

Homophobes want homosexuality to be invisible. That way they somehow feel ‘safer’. They feel that way because of their own upbringing and culture.

Change is constant, and our cultures adapt to those changes. To quote the Borg ‘Resistance is futile.’ Change is constantly happening, and if that change is in the face, it cannot be ignored.

Many people who come out as gay and lesbian are accepted by their loved ones, but not all are. So be prepared. Talk to other gays about their experiences.

Prepare your responses to the most likely questions and comments from your family and friends. Perhaps contact organisations such as PFLAG for support. PFLAG are the parents, guardians, family and friends of LGBTIQ+.

If you are unsure how someone who is important in your life will react to you telling them you are gay, try ‘testing the waters’ by asking them what they think about other gay men.

You can:

• Ask them if they personally know or have known any gay men?
• Ask their opinions about famous and celebrity gay men?
• Ask them what they think about same-sex marriage and gay couples who have children.

Through these discussions you will be able to determine if they are generally positive or negative about gay men. Do not expect them to be gushing with positivity about everything and everyone. Ultimately you want to determine how they might react and if they will support you.

It is true that some people have difficulty accepting other people who are different from themselves in some way. That is their prejudice. That is their problem to deal with and perhaps overcome.

Their prejudice is not the responsibility or problem of the person, persons or community they feel prejudiced against – it is their own problem. Being faced, close up, with their prejudice is also an opportunity for them to learn and grow, and change.

Your Welcome Acceptance of Sexuality for Gay Men subliminal affirmation MP3’s can assist you to overcome low self-esteem and confidence while building a strong belief in who you are.

I had a young gay man come to me to quit tobacco smoking. He was somewhat masculine, a truck driver who appeared ‘straight’. He told me that he was very happy in his sexuality and added that his single ‘straight’ co-workers and friends were lucky if they could ‘score’ sex more than twice a year, unless they paid for it. Meanwhile he had sex with a new partner every weekend, and more often anytime he wanted – for free. “I can go online and ‘hook up’ with another hot guy within minutes,” he told me. “My mates have to pay for it,” he laughed.

“For me being gay is the best. I would never want to be straight.”